Fairies and Jesus Make Magic in Falls Church

I just spent the evening a few houses down at the spacious and impeccably decorated home of the beloved Don and Erve, surrogate parents to the Abruzzi children and owners of the Providence Town joint "The Burger Queen" (from which I have a TRUELY great tee-shirt. I ate a ton of amazing Abruzzi pizza and drank a substantial amount of Erve's vegan coffee martinis. Over the course of the evening, I was informed that it was only fair to mistake me for a lesbian because of the ridiculous amount of plaid that I wear and the fact that I drive a green Subaru and also go to Smith. I then had an argument with Erve (really, of all the gayest people to have this argument with) about how it was unfair to classify all lesbians as sporty, mean, and butch. He backed up his argument by telling a story about a woman who refused to eat one of his burgers because he had a penis. I told him that I knew several hundred lesbians thank you very much, and only a handful are as he described them. It was all in good fun, however, and the evening ended in laughter and me wanting to throw up because of all I had consumed. To top it all of, I watched several episodes of Spongebob Squarepants ("He lives in a pineapple under the sea, absorbent and yellow and porous is he!"). On a side note, John came into the TV room the other day to find me guiltily watching Spongebob by myself, unsolicited be any children. Very embarrassing.

Don and Erve are truly wonderful and should be duplicated so as to spread their love in every suburb community. As I learned tonight, they had their first date 20 years ago at a state fair, (they were set up and Erve agreed because Don is a dentist and Erve mistakenly believed that he would be loaded), and then eventually picked up and left the gay DC neighborhood of Dupont Circle (to the horror of their friends) and moved to the burbs. Erve is charismatic and loud, with a flair for the dramatic and a a good child's brand of humor. Don is quiet and massively buff, with a sweet smile and only nice things to say. Watching them together is one of the funniest things on the planet, because Don is literally horrified by everything that comes out of Erve's mouth and Erve is constantly mocking Don as if he weren't in the room. Clearly, there is deep love here. We also spent part of the evening playing with a giant, pink statue of Jesus which doubled as a magic 8 ball, but we had to hide it under the sink when the very sweet and very Catholic neighbor dropped by for dessert. All in all, an excellent Sunday. I almost feel ready for Monday, even if my feet sadly do not.